Sunday, January 19, 2014

Releasing…..Like Layers of an Onion

Ever since childhood, I have been letting go.  I let go of my childhood dreams completely by age 18 due to the circumstances of those earlier years.  I let go of a certain sense of security when I chose to leave a marriage that wasn’t honoring me.  When my son was only 16, it took all my courage to let him go when his choices weren’t respectful.  It was one of the most difficult gut wrenching decisions….a painful layer of the onion to shed.  When moving to Florida, I parted with a good third of my belongings and the comfort of family, friends and business connections.  Another huge wave of letting go transpired in Florida losing my home along with a number of properties, going through bankruptcy and saying good-bye to yet another marriage.  Then, thinking I would not need to drive on the Panamanian island I believed I was moving to live, I also gave away my car.  Last year I parted with another biggie for me.  It would not have seemed a big deal under my previous circumstances but given my current gypsy situation it’s value to me was great.  I gave away a diamond ring I was attached to for many reasons both emotional and logical.  The logical aspect was I figured if I ever was in great need I could easily get $3000 which would get me back “on track”.  This year I had to release a relationship that was one of the closest to my heart.  As painful as it was, I had to stand in my truth which meant another good bye…another layer shed.

Early on in my journey, I almost believed that this letting go process would get easier as I gained experience.  I thought understanding the reason for things and seeing truth beyond the human experience would not take as much “vigilance”.  I don’t know about for others but this hasn’t been the case for me.  I do know that I can make a choice in the midst of the pain to be in peace and, in a strange sort of way, happy.  I experience what I’m going through and make the decision to keep going on….to keep shining no matter what.

Now this isn’t meant to be a depressing piece so why am I sharing it with you?  Because of why I am choosing the whole shedding process in the first place.  Unless we let go of the old, there is no way we can experience the new.  We cannot continue to be and act and have in ways we did before if we wish to transform our lives by choice rather than default.  Default is the reality that change will always happen.  We can fight and hold on to the old, sometimes for a long time, but that doesn’t really help us.  We may also want to make some shifts or improvements in our lives but are worried about what others will think of us or are afraid of the new role we will have to play in the unfamiliar circumstances.  Personally, I know I have gained with every layer I have had the courage to shed.  While I admit I didn’t quite welcome the experiences, I thankfully am able to see some of the value I have gained.  Gained??  Gained through loss?  Yes!  With every layer released, my spirit has grown more and more free.  I am getting closer to embodying the Light that I really am.  I have shed (for the most part) being concerned about what others think of me.  I have learned to live (happily) without most of the material things at one time I thought were essential.  I am not stressed about the things most people are because those things are not even in my awareness.  The more I disconnect from the rat race….the Grand Illusion, the more I can connect with my true self and the divinity in everyone around me.  I used to feel bad about not being able to assist people in the manner I desire.  I am now able to help them in ways far greater although most live in a state they cannot perceive it.  Again, I do have my human moments of sadness, pain and frustration.  However, for the most part, I am comforted and motivated by the real reason I came to this planet – a role I have only consciously stepped into by choosing to release anything from my life holding me back from truth and love.  I encourage you to examine your own life and look deeply into your heart.  Is there anything you are clinging to from the old that is keeping you from your truth?  Perhaps there is one little action, one baby step you can take right now to remove one more layer of whatever it is that is blocking you from shining as brightly as you can.  As you contemplate this and play (yes take this “lightly”) with your own process, keep in mind there is no judgment. There is no right or wrong.  All choices are honored.  Love Is All There Is!  And truly All Is Well!

PS.  If onions make you cry, please change my analogy…perhaps to a diamond in the rough.  But you’ll have to do a bit of chiseling to get through those layers ;-)