Asking For What We Need

I have a desire, not a need, to be understood. Knowing I am not the most eloquent with human words, my writing is far from being pleasing in a purely literary sense. However, I feel that I have important messages for certain people at a specific timing I am guided to share. My hope is that you “hear” this post in the spirit of the intention with which it is delivered.

As humans, we all have needs requiring fulfillment to live a balanced, happy life. Shelter and food are basics. Closely following are feeling safe and being loved, accompanied by a sense of belonging. Some have theorized that self-actualization is a necessity once our other needs have been met.

You’ve heard references to individuals as self-made millionaires or driven people who single-handedly brought about huge accomplishments. In reality, neither of those concepts are possible in this system/society comprised of…..people. No one can make 100 sales all by themselves. There are so many others involved: buyers, the people who made the phone, stationary, car and anything else required for the sale. As you can see, the only way to function in this society, is to join other people to accomplish things which meet each other’s needs. Granted, a great percentage of desires in this materialistic world are not really needs but wants. That’s not what I am addressing here. It’s the needs for one to live a healthy, balanced, peaceful life. That being established, most people, while getting many of their wants, are not getting their needs met.

Of course, people have many ideas of "shelter"

Even focusing on the basics – food and shelter. Most people don’t actually have access to nutritious food. They have chemical, pesticide laden, genetically modified substances which make up most of the choices they have access to. While they may have a roof over their heads, they may also be sacrificing their health or sanity just to afford it. There may be air, noise and visual pollution they’ve done their best to adjust to yet still takes its toll. As far as being loved and belonging….how many people enter and stay in unhealthy relationships or groups in an attempt to fill this need? And self-actualization? Countless folks achieve goals and try to feel successful based on objectives society, friends or family have deemed worthy rather that what they themselves truly desire down deep inside. 

On the bright side, more and more of mankind are beginning to realize all this. For most, the shift is still quite slow and expressing one’s individuality still isn’t welcomed and encouraged on many fronts. People are starting to recognize their authentic needs for living a happy, healthy life. Obviously, they cannot get all their needs met by themselves in this community-based world. And whether it is a community structure many would like or not, it still is a community-based structure where people depend on others for the system to work. One of the biggest challenges to getting our needs met is simply asking. So many of us have been taught being selfish is bad as I have expounded upon previously in Family and Friends.  Again, we’ve got to “put on our own mask” before we can help others. The concern about selfishness aside, there is also the fear of rejection or a negative response. We worry about hurting people's feelings, about what they will think of us, about consequences if we aren’t on the same page. Some experience a sense of embarrassment or feeling vulnerable making requests. Perhaps we feel guilty asking for what we need when others might not have it either. First, I would encourage “considering” various aspects of a situation before asking, not “worrying”. Worry never helps anyone and harms the worrier’s health. Revisiting the realization of our own worthiness may also be in order.

Bounty from the Jungle

Yes, do weigh your options but do not let someone else’s potential response stop you from asking for what you need. Don’t give them that kind of power over your life. Also remember, no one person can fulfill all of another’s needs and it’s not really fair to expect that of anyone. It is our responsibility to tend to our own garden of our lives.

Each person’s life/garden has different needs. Keep in mind, there is no one individual to fulfill all those needs (unless you’re one of the lucky ones who has discovered their own personal genie).

Remember there are infinite possibilities for getting your needs met. Perhaps it’s time to shift a personal relationship in your life if someone isn’t respecting you as you need. Sometimes this can be worked through and other times it is a sign to move on. Are you not getting compensated in a way that honors the work you do? It may simply take an honest conversation so that all parties are understood and honored or, it may be time to move on. As you read this, you may begin noticing many ways your true needs are not being met. I don’t suggest you will be able to magically make this right over night. Instead, it is like life itself, a journey. Depending on your particular situation, you may wish to address the “loudest” need first. Or if too intimidating, try with a baby step on one of the needs you perceive as easier or “more realistic” to have met. Remember there are myriad ways and numerous people who can assist in getting your need met – not just the limited options you have considered in the past. The important thing you do is ask! Sometimes you have to start with asking yourself if you will allow the need to be met – but that again is a deservingness issue which is a topic for another time. Each effort you make toward getting what you need is like going to a store. You may have to travel to dozens of stores before finding the appropriate one, or ones, that has/have what you need.

Play with this daily and you will find you are getting more and more of your needs met. And, wonder of all wonders, the more you get your needs met, the more powerful, happy and healthy you are! And the more whole you are, the more you are capable of helping others fulfill not only their needs, but their wants too!

Oh, and on the topic of gardens, you can get your nutritional needs met better if you can grow your own food. Time, space, season and skill challenges can be overcome with a Tower Garden. If you’ve ever been curious about growing your own fruits and veggies (with much less effort than a traditional garden), please visit Tower Garden…. Your food has a shorter gestation period too – or whatever you call it for plants – with this system.

Now for my ongoing chant….Thank You! Gracias! Merci! Danke! Gratcie! Arigato! Mahalo! There are more people than I can count all around the world who support me and give me reason to express gratitude. I so appreciate the gift you are in my life and continue to swirl bright energy your way so you may enjoy your most magnificent life too!